I saw "A Single Man" and was not in the mood for it really. It is a bit too beautiful and too real. What I need right now is something like Charlie's Angels or Pirates of the Caribean..something entertaining without firing off a single brain cell.
Right now, beauty makes me cry. (Also my eyes are sort of pre-cried as they ich from pollen+cat) And I get such a crush on Mr. Firth, the versatile actor. It is a residue from the glorious Pride and Prejudice era in secondary school. And so I feel weepy over that, and feel alone.
Everyone feels alone. We are alone. But today it hurts. (So not a good idea to see "A Single Man")
One gets such intimacy with actors on screen, but not really. One gets intimacy with the character, (if it is a good actor) the perfect person on screen without smelly feet and irritating habits, and looks cool drinking scotch from the bottle, and you do not have to deal with the horrible whiskey breath, and they are vulnerable and honest and it is so easy to read them, and funny and....so very unlike RL, except in rare moments.
It is wanting to be alone but at the same time missing my friends. And hoping I will have the luck to get to know lots of people in the years to come, people that becomes important in my life, that challenges me somehow...I am not good at superficial friendship.
And these thoughts leads me to old ghosts. Am I such a serious person? Am I no fun? What have I to give in a friendship/relationship?
It is hard to get to know someone, beyond the weather and tired of work conversations. I know I am not good at asking questions, and that is important. But when I do I feel a bit like doing an interrogation. Name? Family? Life history?
I think I'll go to bed. My brain is not cooperating today. I shall dream of mr Darcy in regency clothing and chocolate, and bugger my insecurities. I'll feel better tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment