And that was one more thing crossed of my list

I now have a room to live in next year, (academic year) and it is so big that there can be noise and weird people living there and I will not care much because I have this huge room I can live in.

But nice compañeras would be, well, nice.

It is very warm. Lower temps around 25ºC during night, thank the weather gods it will only be so for about 24 hrs more, as it is exhausting. I know, I am a wuss, but you must remember, I am from norway, the country where nightly temps at 20ºC is considered news, and people drag their matresses to the verandas and schools close.

I am not kidding: My high school once closed because it was too warm inside. That was a good day.

But in a way I am enjoying it, because I have the feeling summer in Norway is going to be a sad affaire weather-wise. Best to soak up solar energy when I can.

I also vegged out in front of the tv this weekend: Bones, Runaway Bride, Shreck nº whatever, Harry Potter, CSI, Que se Mueren los Feos....

I really like that movie, if any of you wants to try a spanish film that is one I can recomend. It is funny and moving and about normal people doing the stupid things we tend to do..

Bwahahahahahahahaha!

I passed Bioestadistica! I love bioestadistica! I love the world!

Preparing the last exam

I do not like doing maths without the posibility to check that I am doing it right as in having the answers to compare to what I do.

So what could my last exam this spring be: Bioestadistica, jolly fun I tell you. I hate it. Math language has never been my forte and in spanish even less so, and yes: we get theorical questions as well as excersices.

So I mumble and whine and read, and whine and curse and beat my head on the desk and whine a bit more. See you in a week. Bloody bioestadistica.

Waiting sucks bigtime

I feel I have spent most of these past months waiting. Waiting for returning calls, emails that are never answered, waiting for exams to come, waiting for exams to be over to focus on moving, packing, getting on. And yet stuff has been happening. I have gotten over my first breakup, and I am well on my way to be consistent in managing, and winning over, my exam fears.

I am optimistic about next year, I want to get on with it, start in fourth grade, see the end of the tunnel, it will be a stressful year, but I can do it.

I tried my best

But there is not much you can do with someone who is just not prepared to do anything that might take an emotional toll. I noticed some hints during our years together, but had no idea it was this bad, since we never had any conflicts.

He thinks that by cutting out the little contact we have maintained during these months (emails about vet bills for freya, can you please leave my mail in the mailbox kind of thing) that he will feel better, and forget. How is it possible to be so naive?

I am learning so much, especially the importance of comunication, expectations and of expressing myself, setting up boundries. The hope is I learn all there is now, and so have years ahead were stuff goes easier.

Oh, and I passed the Biology exam! Yippi!

This city

Zaragoza is a strange city. In many ways it is a very good city too live in, nothing is very far away, pretty corners here and there, neither too noisy noor too quiet. But it lacks colour. The buildings are made of brown bricks, the roofs of reddish tiles. The earth itself has a beige-pinkysh tinge, and here and there this beige-brown-pinkish blob is interrupted by green leafed threes. The hills in the horizon have little vegetation, framing the city in sand.
The people dress in blacks and browns and blues, conservative even the teenagers, as they dress in their uniform of the season from the leading economic chains, I get it in them, adolesence can be all about fitting in, but seeing something different is so rare. You have the ocasional spanish version of "alternative", but a uniform all the same, with the baggy harem pants, dreads and tight striped top. There is a lack of fun? I think so.
Therefore, frothy smelling lavender bushes is a relief, a sight for bored eyes and for the citydwelling nose. In my balcony garden I will have lavender bursting out of its containers, perfuming the air with it's clean sweet smell, and soothing the eye with its delicate lavender-blue.

that was a bit too much

I went to the uni this morning, to the door and was hit by the frenetic hysteria, and turned. That sucks. So two exams in two days is a bit too much for me yet. More so considering the last day before an exam is spent convincing myself it is a good idea to go. That meant I had not touched Farma in about a week. All was general ideas but no details, no names...and so I get a block.

Also I have this little kitty helping me study. It took me about five tries with blurry heads to get this one.

I still have some way to go obv, but I feel calmer, and I hope this will show when I sit down to study. Less "I am stupid! I cannot learn this!" and thus less time wasted being ancious and concentrating on calming down, and more actually studying. Progress in small steps..

That is four!

I have gone to exams four times this year! That has not happened in so many years I loose count. Probably not since my first (horrible) year at uni.

I am so proud of myself, and my courage. But too bloody tired to do more that munch a couple of donuts and sleep. But there is contentment in my soul.

Things will turn out ok.

Now I have to buckle down for the one tomorrow, witch quite probably will be more of a testing-testing one-two-three. But I will go anyway.

Pannekake-tid!

It is june already

This has been a very loong first five months of 2011. And since I have an exam tomorrow and another one on friday (so long dreams of study free summer :( Although I will go and give it my best. Who knows? I might get lucky) the next 36 hours will go soooooo sloooooooow.

Why do I do this to myself? I whine. Well self, you find medicine and people facinating. You are not going to live your life giving in to fear. And you are not EVER going to hear "I told you so, it is too much for you" again, EVER. So put on your big-girl pants and do what you need to do.

This has been on repeat for the last 3 days, bloody annoying.

So, what has been my soundtrack in overcoming exam phobia and living through heartbreak? Cecilia Bartholi. (hellu you guys that google her! She is magnificent. I have listened endlessly to both Opera Proibita and Sacrificium and I still get goose bumps every time.) Fluke, Sunkissed, Odd Børretzen, and the Stevie Wonder best of.