So much for No Venting

I did start this blog deciding it was not to be some sort of venting site, but I just have to let off some steem. I AM SOOO FED UP WITH PAPERWORK!!!!!!!!

Yeah, right. I am a student. Students don´t do paperwork. WRONG! As anyone of you studying in a foreign country can attest to there is a lot of stuff to get. At least if one wants to get goverment loan. And specially if my caseworker is ANAL!! Everything takes time. When they ask for a paper (I have not had to give other years I must add) it is not as if I can just pop down to secretaria in my faculty and they will drop everything in their hands. And every time I ask for a certificado it costs money, and also to make a certified copy (with a notario) costs money, but the most annoying is time. so here I am, almost december and at least two more weeks before I get any desition on wether I get the loan or not.

No I am not starving. Boyfriend is earning enough to pay for us both, but I hate borrowing money. And then I am not good at waiting. I am in fact real bad at waiting. so now I have to wait even longer.. AAAAAArrrgggggg! and there is christmas presents to by, and I really want to by academic books for some of the subjects I have this year.

+sight+

At least they have not denied my application, so at least there is hope I will eventually get it.

No running

It was not possible even had I wanted to. Why? Because the race was in an area that was basically rocks. Overgrown, loose rocks. Invisible, treacherous rocks...I like my head just as it is and had no need of redecorating it. The rocks were overgrown with every kind of pinching shrubbery that has ever existed in Spain and probably a few local oddities as well. Ouch.

But apart from that it was okay. I did not get lost, found all my posts and arrived before they closed the finishing line.

So yes, I will do the same class next time, but that will not be until March, as they take a break in winter. And good is that. The temperature does not drop very far down here in Aragon, but the wind... It has got a name (el cierzo) and a personality and these last days it has been feeling frisky. I freeze more here than I have ever done in Norway.

Anyway, on my wishlist for xmas will be leg-protectors. My legs look like they have the measels right now. In winter it is not so bad, as I am not showing them to anyone. (except bf but he has his just as bad.) but when spring come...orienteering is not a sport for anyone worried about aestethics. I think that is one of the reasons I like it.

Safety

I have been thinking a lot about safety lately. And feeling unsafe. And the fragility of our lives. Partly because of the shootings in Finland, but also because I am getting older, and more aware. The closer one is to the expiring date, the more one wants to live? So at times I am afraid of being mugged, raped or molested, being in a carcrash, atacked by wolves, planecrash, freak accident in bathtube.... (the last being most likely) And it is just so silly spending time being afraid of all this. Yes, I put on the seat belt, am going to by a anti-glide thingy for the bath tube, and will not wander in certain areas of the town alone. The thing is to take whatever reasonable precautions you can, and then DON´T WORRY anymore. Shit happens and it can happen to anyone, anytime. I do not want to restrict my actions because of what-if scenarios.

My head is a bit wuzzy today, so there will be further musings on the theme when I have thought it out.

I am going to do orienteering on sunday. Up until now boyfriend and I have strolled through the initiacion, but last time it was short and so easy it got boring so we decided to enter in our age classes. I am telling everyone I will do mine walking. but I just know that when I am there I am going to get fused with adrenalin and go "I´ll run a bit." Then my body, who is not used to running will go on strike, and I´ll have a sort of astma-attack. (never tested, but probably have exhaustion-astma.) I have a lot of those never-tested but probably-have. And it will only get worse a we learn more about pathology. But that is a topic for another day.

Comparisons

My inner editor is very strong or maybe a better term would be "Listened to". In Fraudian terms I think it is called Super Ego. So when I sit down to write something, anything, it begins. "This is booring", "Not enough flow", "Topic is used up". And this almost before I put anything down on paper. I used to like writing in secondary, and to a certain degree in highschool. In highscool it sort of dwindled because of a teacher who insisted I had to write my stories longer. (I used to write a form of essey that is supposed to be short.) So I would write my three pages with a rasonable flow and development of a theme and then I had to spent lots of time trying to extend it. In any other genre three pages is little, but for my chosen genre it is just about right. So he wore down my joy of the thing. It stopped being about writing and started being about pages and quantity.

Anyway, that is no excuse for not writing more today. No, today it is my inner editor that causes the lack of writing. And lack of drawing. And almost any other form of creative outlet that I used to enjoy. "It is not good enough." Not good enough for what? being hung up at a national gallery? getting the nobel price? So I have decided to stop listening and just enjoy the process of creating something. Beginning with writing in this blog.

This blog- thing

So. Here I am. On the great internet. In these goal oriented days I should have a purpose, a "meta" as one would say in spanish, but frankly I am not all that good with them. The idea is to write about anything and not much at all. Mostly in english, but if the fancy takes me, there will be norwegian and spanish, so you are warned!