Nothing really and then I went swimming

It is almost time for The Holidays, that is back to Norway to do some actual Work, and not Sit On My Butt. My poor body is in for a shock.

Although I did go swimming today, a whopping 45 minutes, and there were lots of youngish men looking at eachother. Strange. For a moment I thought maybe it was the new place to hang out for some quick shower action, but since none of these youngish men followed eachother into the mens showers, that teory went out the window. Also there is something so very unsexy about this swimming pool, but that might be because I'm female. And with hangups on Fungus and hairs on the tiles.. uck-uck.

I'll take my cat with me home, and thus I have to take taxi in barcelona to and from the airport, something of a hit and miss, as in if the taxista will try to cheat me or not. Oh, joy. It's christmas!

I might be getting one after all

I just browsed through smashwords and hmmmm..I might get an ereader after all. With the winnings from my advent lottery of course. I got another parcel and a reindeer.

Giving birth

So I have a week off from uni, and this week is going to be spent in my room, in a chair, studying. How exciting! How glamorous! Luckily my room has windows to the south so I get to see some sun.

For now I am doing normal pregnancy and birth, And it is amazing and fragile and strong...So much happening, so many changes, and then this poor little baby has to force her way through the pelvis, twisting her way, deforming her head...the first breath, where her lungs expand for the first time..

So that is what I am doing this 2. sunday in Advent. Also on the program for the week is Farmacology, Eyes and Otorrinolaringology (ear, nose throat).

What else?

So far I have one wrapped gift (750 nok), one candle (125 nok), one snow-crystal (100 nok) and one cristmas ornament (50 000 nok) and when I get the two other cristmas ornaments I'll go shopping at new years sales as I am having a fashion moment where I actually care about what I wear..No gingerbread men yet, but there are still 20 to go.

stay tuned!

Godterisjuk

My mom sendt me an Advents kalender. Or two, to be more precise: one that is basically a big lottery thingy: each day I scrape forth a little picture, and hopefully by the 24th I will have 3 gingerbreadmen and 750 000 NOK. And then there is the present-kalender. And I KNOW that one of them is two Troika chocolates and one is 200 grs milk chocolate from Freia. And I am seriously candy-sick. (and my english suck today)

TEMPTATION!

(And yeah: I am still 31.)

My "gift" for today was Nemi, a comic that I get every month in Norway: It would have been an even better read with a Troika..

And cheese doodles. And fuzzy beverages. And Macarons. They make the most delicious ones in "Le petite croissant" and it is not that far walking.

Sugar? Chocolate?

Madrid II

After wandering about for some time in a King's version of a summer cottage, we went to Segovia: the home of small barbequed piglets and innumerable cozy streets...I had Cochinillo: asking for anything else would be like..like...eating Pasta in New Dehli. Or something. The Old Town is beautiful, and full of little shops and clothes hanging out to dry from the balconies, and the roman aqueduct is astonishing and elegant and massive...

But it is not enough with an aqueduct; the town also bosts of a gothic cathedral that glows at sunset and Alcazar, a castle that looks almost fairytale-ish...

Again, I'd like to go back, and really explore the town down to its last cobblestone, sit and draw and just look. Especially at sunset. Like most central Spain, the palette is brown, dust, sand..until the sun sets, and everything starts to glow an incadecent golden orange. The sand colored buildings, the earth comes to live...

Weekend in Madrid I

We went to La Granja de San Ildefonso, a small palace constructed aprox 1724 or thereabouts to serve as a retirement home for the Spanish king who had had enough of intrigues and politics and decided to abdicate. He got to relax a whole year before his succesor died, and had to go back to "kinging" for another 20 years. Poor fellow. The garden is beautiful in autum, and I'll definitivly go back in May some year to see the more formal parts of it and the herbal garden..It is very big, and I saw enough to know I want to go back.

The palace it self was a let down. It houses a museum of tapestries and those are incredible, but there is almost no information about the people who lived there, how they passed their days..So you walk in these rooms and there might be a small plaque that says "The bedroom" and then a nice bed, and that is it.

It is that time of the year

ALMOST!!!!!

Uuuhh, only one week left to the first sunday in Advent, and even though the Rule is no christmas music until 1. dec, well, obviously that does not include when the first advent sunday comes in november. Right? Right!

I went to el trastero this morning and got the Advent star, the music, xmas cards and the Advent-light thingy. (I'll take pictures next sunday) (promise)

And we have an entire week off, from the 5th to the 9th and I'll.....

I'll be deep down in my study chair, glued to the books, that's where.

Ah, the hard life of students....

;)

I'm da Bomb

HA!

I went and did the exam: such courage, such valor..and no: I do not say that with irony. At least not much. It is the equalent of an aracnophobic petting a spider.

I will celebrate by re-reading Sinfest by Tatsuya Ishida and eat cheesedoodles and drinking Murphy's :)

Why?

I would say all the big publishing agencies and amazon is going so well, they do not want my money. Ereader manufacturers must have gold coming out of their arses, since they do not seem to give a damn.

I wanna thingy! Well, what I really want is the ability to by a book and get it right away and not wait FOREVER and for a price that reflects the fact that I have less rights with an ebook than with a printed one.

Maybe I should make a list of all the books I would have bought during a year, and send the number to the pub houses...

I have an exam tomorrow.

Gulp.

Dance

On saturday I went to see my contemp teacher perform with her dance company "Tarde y Temprano Danza". In honor of the occation ("I go out of the house! On a saturday! And it is not grocery shopping!") I put on a dress. And subsecuently freezed my legs and fingers and head off, trying to find the darned place. Boy, it was windy and cold. Hello Winter!

They performed two pieces, the first "Acabado en A", two dancers in red dresses, two vanity tables with makeup and mirrors, and that is about it, because just as they began small movements to quiet music I had a cough attack and almost popped my eyes out trying to supress the coughing. We are talking turning heads in the rows in front of me..

But about halfway into it, my coughing stilled, and just then they started a part I liked, playing with weight, fighting, pushing eachother, lifting eachother, powerbalance..

The second piece was "Tacones y Naranjas" And I liked that one the most. Four women, in dresses and high heels, exploring movement with oranges, dancing together in couples, sometimes playful, sometimes in jerking almost robotic movements. Then a segment where all four hold on to eachother, creaping through legs and between eachother. Fluid, continous, connected.

Then I had to cough a bit more.

They ended the piece standing in the center, toing twisting motions with their upper bodies, to a rythmic sound, slowly turning little by little, going lower and lower..

And then I froze my legs off again going home.

the end

my pumpkin

bullet post time

• I managed to get my butt out of my sickbed and see Pina last week. Loved it: the absurd, the intense, the beauty of movements, the happy..
• I got sick again.
• Did my halloween costume in ca 4 hours (1700-2030) monday evening. It is still not finished, but it was dark and we were all drunk anyway.
• I was at a party. My social skills are nonexistent, but I survived.
• Gin&Tonic is jummy.
• I got home with a pair of black wings from a fallen angel. Have no idea what to do with them.
• Have lost my voice.
• I carved my very first pumpkin and thus I am no longer a pumpkin-virgin.
• No hangover, thank you vey much. I think Gin&Tonic agrees with me.

duh

I had the feeling I was forgetting something when I walked home from uni. Something was not right. I got home, collapsed on the bed and had tiempo de mimos with Freya. After about 15 minutes it hit me: I had forgotten about that last class we have every day 14-15 this week and next...

Oh well. I might be able to recoup it later in november.

Mr. Postman? I am waiting!

I checked mrw: it is in zaragoza..Please come this evening?

It is a good thing I do not own an e-reader

I am sick. After more than a year without any bugs I have gotten some, and I hope it is a year or two until next time. I am such a wuss and just lie in bed all day feeling sorry for myself and bying books on Amazon that will not come here until next week when the cold is finishing up its 7-10 days stay. It is a good thing I have no e-reader, and do not live in the US, I'd be broke by now, lying in bed with my muscles slowly wasting away, lost in reading.

Just thinking about going outside leaves me short of breath and I have to go have a lie-down.

Wuss, I tell you.

No water in my ear

So, Pilares is about to hit us in all its glory. Jotas in the supermarkeds, castañuelas in the streets, claveles being offered to the Virgin, and of course: drunk people everywhere. Fiestas!

Part of me feels the pressure to have Plans and Go Out and Socialize. Until I remember that I haver never done much in Pilares except ocasionally getting drunk on calimocho on the Pregon and dealing with the hangover for several days after. Not exactly joyful.

I am going to a couple of concerts though, classical music. And I might try to see El rosario de Cristal, and some of the jota going on in the Plaza del Pilar. And take pictures as if I am a tourist. After all, I am not going to be here in a few years time, it would be nice to have some pictures of Zaragoza at her best.

I am also dreaming of living on my own, in a small studio/flat, a dream that is possible if I get student loan. Something I will not know until december at least.

Stupid ear

Welcome to the first rant-party of October!

I have water in my left ear. On the bright side I got it swimming, and in an almost empty pool, so no touching hairy legs underwater.

My room, although fine in every way, has those windows that are only for decoration, and so after two weeks I have had enough of cars. Especially diesel-cars, and motorcycles. I'll talk to the owner on monday to ask if I can move to the smaller room, it might be more cramped, but I will not have the street with me at all times.. If I cannot change I'll have to start looking for another room somewhere.. jippi.

At least my waterlogged left ear will come in handy, as I cannot hear a thing with it.

Aaahhhhh..

That is not the sound of lazy mornings. That is me at 0630 when the alarm sounds. And me when I try to block out the sound of 100 studens screaming at eachother at 0800. What is there to say at that time of the day except "do not disturb"?

But all in all my first week at uni has not been to stressful, even though I have stress in the body all the same, but I think that is more a lack of excercise. So tomorrow (after 0800) I will try my rollerskis. If anyone in zaragoza wants to have a laugh, they should hang about the great park tomorrow. .

PS: Trolljegeren was great fun!

Aahhhhhhh.......

That is the sound of days off, endless mornings of coffe and home made knekkebrød, reading the news and doing sudoku..No exam to worry about, no work later today..Just hours of nothing, except plans for watching "Trolljegeren" on DVD, and whatever else I feel like: perhaps going for a walk in the crisp autumn air...

Autumn come on a close second place as my favourite season, (summer is no.1) and on third comes Advent (December)..

I have to pack my bags of course, since I leave around midday tomorrow for Uni: classes start on monday at 08:00. EVERY day. But they are sort of packed already, as I have sorted out what to bring and what not. If anyone have tips as to how not to fall asleep in class/how to sleep without anyone noticing, they will be recieved with thanks. And Coffe do not work. I can have it injected and it has no effect..

Freya is coming with me, YES! for a while there I thought she might have to stay with my parents.

Voting

I just voted on the kommune og fylkes election: something like local and regional election, and it was quite hard to make up my mind. In the end I voted Venstre that is supposed to be a liberal party, with special focus on enviroment, I think that building anything more in Drøbak is not a good idea at the moment.

What I did do is give personal votes to all the youngest members, in the hope that the power structure in the party gets shaken up a little, that is always healthy.

Also today I was a bit of a vulture and went to the bookstore in the town centre and bought stuff, as they are closing and have 50% off. Christmas presents are in ticked off for 4 persons and another birthday gift for the future too. ;)

Early morning

This morning after finishing work (first of four nights) I strolled down to the beach and put my feet in the water. A woman was splashing around, a man sat in a small boat fishing, but otherwise it was quiet. It was a good way to wind down from the dullness that 9 hours of nightly boredom creates in one's head, before going home to sleep.

I saw the sun yesterday!

I got sunburned! Yey!

I have the weekend off, and a five day week ahead of me before I have 4 days off. In a row.

Summer is working, I have done so since I was 16, But I would love to have a month off some year to just really relax. In two summers time?

Empty head continues.

Opna Landskap

Having lived for so long in a part of Spain where terrorism is a reality, I seem to have lost that idea/conviction that so many have had that these things cannot happen in Norway. It can happen. It has.

Media is gorging itself, both on the collective grief and the emerging information about the person who did it: Photos of dead and missing young people on the front page, interviews with friends from secondary school, a father he has not seen in 15 years, heroic deeds and rescues. And soon they will begin to ask why it was not prevented. As if somehow the police should investigate every person out there who owns a farm and buys fertilizer. If a person wants to do damage, that person will find a way, and more quietly if alone.

But this is all gleamed from finding the cartoons in the newspapers. I have an empty head, that function enough for work but there is little left when home. I try to write letters and nothing comes out, the cards remain empty, my diary have only one entry since I came here, just numbness, maybe a mental holiday after so much thinking and processing during these last 7 months?

What to say?

Words seem so poor confronted with the horror those young people must have lived through yesterday. Sadness.

A day off

ahhhhh

two hours of eating breakfast, sipping cafe con leche and surfing the nets....

I bought tickets for september exams, the return will go through Milan for some reason, and a part of me thinks it would be really cool to just jump off and stay in Italy for some days, eating good food, peoplewatching and play with my canon.

Soon, I tell myself, soon.

The thought of traveling alone is seductive and scary at the same time. In my book, museums and gardens are best visited alone, but being alone with my thoughts for too long..

Where would I go? I would love to putz around England and drool over mansions and cottages, eating pub food and go for walks. Drive down the atlantic coast of France, eating croissants and drinking wine. Find some summer-open mountain hotel in Austria and gorge on fresh air and tranquility...

Home

Home in Drøbak.

Working my butt off, that is good, but my days are again turned around and it is an effort to think.

Thus few posts. There is just not much to tell. Work, Sleep, Tv, Study, trying to rid myself of certain repetitive thoughts, sleep...

And that was one more thing crossed of my list

I now have a room to live in next year, (academic year) and it is so big that there can be noise and weird people living there and I will not care much because I have this huge room I can live in.

But nice compañeras would be, well, nice.

It is very warm. Lower temps around 25ºC during night, thank the weather gods it will only be so for about 24 hrs more, as it is exhausting. I know, I am a wuss, but you must remember, I am from norway, the country where nightly temps at 20ºC is considered news, and people drag their matresses to the verandas and schools close.

I am not kidding: My high school once closed because it was too warm inside. That was a good day.

But in a way I am enjoying it, because I have the feeling summer in Norway is going to be a sad affaire weather-wise. Best to soak up solar energy when I can.

I also vegged out in front of the tv this weekend: Bones, Runaway Bride, Shreck nº whatever, Harry Potter, CSI, Que se Mueren los Feos....

I really like that movie, if any of you wants to try a spanish film that is one I can recomend. It is funny and moving and about normal people doing the stupid things we tend to do..

Bwahahahahahahahaha!

I passed Bioestadistica! I love bioestadistica! I love the world!

Preparing the last exam

I do not like doing maths without the posibility to check that I am doing it right as in having the answers to compare to what I do.

So what could my last exam this spring be: Bioestadistica, jolly fun I tell you. I hate it. Math language has never been my forte and in spanish even less so, and yes: we get theorical questions as well as excersices.

So I mumble and whine and read, and whine and curse and beat my head on the desk and whine a bit more. See you in a week. Bloody bioestadistica.

Waiting sucks bigtime

I feel I have spent most of these past months waiting. Waiting for returning calls, emails that are never answered, waiting for exams to come, waiting for exams to be over to focus on moving, packing, getting on. And yet stuff has been happening. I have gotten over my first breakup, and I am well on my way to be consistent in managing, and winning over, my exam fears.

I am optimistic about next year, I want to get on with it, start in fourth grade, see the end of the tunnel, it will be a stressful year, but I can do it.

I tried my best

But there is not much you can do with someone who is just not prepared to do anything that might take an emotional toll. I noticed some hints during our years together, but had no idea it was this bad, since we never had any conflicts.

He thinks that by cutting out the little contact we have maintained during these months (emails about vet bills for freya, can you please leave my mail in the mailbox kind of thing) that he will feel better, and forget. How is it possible to be so naive?

I am learning so much, especially the importance of comunication, expectations and of expressing myself, setting up boundries. The hope is I learn all there is now, and so have years ahead were stuff goes easier.

Oh, and I passed the Biology exam! Yippi!

This city

Zaragoza is a strange city. In many ways it is a very good city too live in, nothing is very far away, pretty corners here and there, neither too noisy noor too quiet. But it lacks colour. The buildings are made of brown bricks, the roofs of reddish tiles. The earth itself has a beige-pinkysh tinge, and here and there this beige-brown-pinkish blob is interrupted by green leafed threes. The hills in the horizon have little vegetation, framing the city in sand.
The people dress in blacks and browns and blues, conservative even the teenagers, as they dress in their uniform of the season from the leading economic chains, I get it in them, adolesence can be all about fitting in, but seeing something different is so rare. You have the ocasional spanish version of "alternative", but a uniform all the same, with the baggy harem pants, dreads and tight striped top. There is a lack of fun? I think so.
Therefore, frothy smelling lavender bushes is a relief, a sight for bored eyes and for the citydwelling nose. In my balcony garden I will have lavender bursting out of its containers, perfuming the air with it's clean sweet smell, and soothing the eye with its delicate lavender-blue.

that was a bit too much

I went to the uni this morning, to the door and was hit by the frenetic hysteria, and turned. That sucks. So two exams in two days is a bit too much for me yet. More so considering the last day before an exam is spent convincing myself it is a good idea to go. That meant I had not touched Farma in about a week. All was general ideas but no details, no names...and so I get a block.

Also I have this little kitty helping me study. It took me about five tries with blurry heads to get this one.

I still have some way to go obv, but I feel calmer, and I hope this will show when I sit down to study. Less "I am stupid! I cannot learn this!" and thus less time wasted being ancious and concentrating on calming down, and more actually studying. Progress in small steps..

That is four!

I have gone to exams four times this year! That has not happened in so many years I loose count. Probably not since my first (horrible) year at uni.

I am so proud of myself, and my courage. But too bloody tired to do more that munch a couple of donuts and sleep. But there is contentment in my soul.

Things will turn out ok.

Now I have to buckle down for the one tomorrow, witch quite probably will be more of a testing-testing one-two-three. But I will go anyway.

Pannekake-tid!

It is june already

This has been a very loong first five months of 2011. And since I have an exam tomorrow and another one on friday (so long dreams of study free summer :( Although I will go and give it my best. Who knows? I might get lucky) the next 36 hours will go soooooo sloooooooow.

Why do I do this to myself? I whine. Well self, you find medicine and people facinating. You are not going to live your life giving in to fear. And you are not EVER going to hear "I told you so, it is too much for you" again, EVER. So put on your big-girl pants and do what you need to do.

This has been on repeat for the last 3 days, bloody annoying.

So, what has been my soundtrack in overcoming exam phobia and living through heartbreak? Cecilia Bartholi. (hellu you guys that google her! She is magnificent. I have listened endlessly to both Opera Proibita and Sacrificium and I still get goose bumps every time.) Fluke, Sunkissed, Odd Børretzen, and the Stevie Wonder best of.

Norte

So, amidst all emotional drama, I managed to put on some clothes and go and see "Norte", a dance performance by a local company called "Tarde y Temprano Danza". (One of the dancers/coreographers is my contemp teacher. )

They had a fragment of a novel? Poem? read as part of the music, and also wrote it in the leaflet:

"Yo no sé, mira, es terrible cómo llueve. Llueve todo el tiempo, afuera tupido y gris, aqui contra el balcón con goterones cuajados y duros que hacen plaf y se aplastan como bofetadas uno detras de otro. Qué hastío. Ahora aparece una gotita en lo alto del marco de la ventana. Se queda temblequeando contra el cielo que la triza en mil brillos apagados. Va creciendo y se tambalea, ya va a caer y no se cae, todavía no se cae, está prendida con todas las uñas. No quiere caerse y se la ve que se agarra con los dientes mientras le crece la barriga. Y es una gotaza que cuelga majestuosa y de pronto... schuppa y va, plaf, deshecha, nada, una viscosidad en el mármol.
Pero las hay que se suicidan y se entregan enseguida. Brotan en el marco y ahí mismo se tiran. Me parece ver la vibración del salto, sus piernecitas desprendiéndose y el grito que las emborracha en esa nada del caer y aniquilarse.
Tristes gotas, redondas, inocentes gotas. Adiós gotas. Adiós."
"Aplastamiento de las gotas", de Julio Cortazar

I am not going to translate all that, sorry. I'd do a pitiful job of it.

Anyway, back to the dancing:
I liked it. I like their corporal language, how they explore movements, the choice of music. Three of them was dancing, and they are all excellent dancers with good expression, an hour flew by and we could have sat there an hour more.

First there was the sound of water trickling and a video on the wall, while one dancer danced on the floor wrapped in plastic, fighting to get out, rising and falling down, twisting on the floor. After a while she was accompanied by the two others wrapped in one same plastic. They break through, now dancing together, now not.

Water, ending with it, spraying it, melting it, in a secuence where one dancer is melting a big ice block with a hairdryer, and no music, full power: the other dancers dance quickly, medium power, and they go slower, and turned off: still. water trickling down from the ice block and into a container on the floor. Images from underwater on the back wall. Playing with water in the end segment, where they throw a couple of buckets of water on a special canvas rolled out, and glide, spin and play. (that was the only segment that I thought lacked something, it felt flat somehow.)

music in the tinkling from a small mountain stream, melancoly pop music, pumping disco?, instrumental happy...

One of the parts I liked the best was when they explored brushing movements, as in getting the dust of my arms, I have a leaf in my hair sort of thing. They coupled that mundane movement with a quick, pulsing rythm/music.

There was lots more, all in the space of one hour, maybe too much? Or maybe not, it is not bad to be left with wanting more.

Feelin better

Apparently volcanic explotions was what I needed. And the realization that most of all this stuff is about me learning to put up some boundries, and to defend them with words and action. There are certain behaviours I will not accept. There are attitudes I will not ignore any longer.

And so it hurts. This maturing stuff is pretty awful. It would have been so much easier if we could just upgrade, like the PC. We could get a choice on our birthdays, every year for one major upgrade, found on Maturing.com (or maybe growingpains.com?). Or like cheese, we are covered in wax and put in storage with a selection of bacteria.

I have been reading the latest book by Eduardo Punset, "El viaje al poder de la mente". I have a serious crush on that man's brain. He just spills over with ethusiasm and curiosity about life and humans and how we function...In addition he looks like a Lykketroll. Or perhaps like a happy Yoda.

I am having an eruption

Photo is supposed to be public, and thus free for use. If this is not correct, I apologize.


I am so angry right now, much at myself for enabling and permitting certain ways of behaving, accepting the mantra "It is just the way I am" and not seeing it for what it is: a way to avoid making an effort to mature and grow as a person, or heavens forbid! use those dormant neurons. But my glass just got topped. At long last.
It scares me it has taken such a long time, where is my spine? Where is my self respect? Whould I be this spinless if the pain inflicted was done with intent?
I shrug things off, do not take them personal, it will get better, just a bad day.....And in many ways, that is what it is with most people, and so I did not see. Did not want to see?

Emotional implotion, is that even a word in english?

My selfpity feast has returned in full, please, stop soon? For someone who's just not worth it, a horrible thing to think about another person, and so I cry a bit more, and around we go!

I am also slowly beggining to get the signs of cabin fever, as in living in a reduced space, cramped with not only my own stuff, but other things as well. Freya picks the most annoying moments during the day to become active and bored, and it is getting warmer.

Selfpity party!

An idea has formed in my mind

I was struck by inspiration: How about actually PLANNING a blog post for once? So I am. I would even be so optimistic and say that there might be several of these mystic creatures. You know, with better spelling and looking up words in the dictionary and taking pictures to fit.

Swimming pool is CLOSED!!!!

For a scant second I actually wanted to cry. My habitual swimming pool, (called "el Huevo" fyi), was closed this morning. NO! I so wanted to swim, had stood on my head the day before vaxing all that needed to go, all that work and then closed! Newly waxed legs is not something to be thrown away on pants and no swimming.

Then I remembered I am living in a decent size city and that there was bound to be another public pool somewhere. And then I remembered there is supposed to be a new one not too far away. Bliss! New! Shiny! Cool concrete walls! Glass windows!

Since I am a lazy ass, I'll probably continue in the huevo, Those extra 10 min walking...Also I am hoping that most people in the area will go to the new one and leave the Egg to me.

Jummy

The cherries are coming! The cherries are coming!

It's cherry time, it is warm outside and my mood has improved. These hormones. I probably put on too much bodylotion with parabens. (One of my zapping programs I saw simultaniously as GP on saturday was a documentry about reduced spermquality and hormon inducing bodylotions.)

Anyways, this is not to be about creepy chemicals, but about cherries!

My grandfather had an enormous cherry three in his garden, and since he did not ship any of it off to make syroup or jam, we grandkids were allowed to eat as much as we could. To make summer perfect, it was a climbable three with good branches to sit in and munch too belly-explotion.
Cherries (or Moreller) are summer and vacations. So are strawberries, but those the deers ate up before much fruit could come out. Here in Spain strawberries are in season in march/april, and that is just wrong. Mostly because I do not feel like strawberries then, while in june when the ich starts, there is not a berry to be had. But I found some now, and they are delicious.

One thing about cherries is that they also reminds me of Twin Peaks. I never actually got to see the series, as my parents said no when it aired on norwegian television (and I got enough David Lynch seeing Mulholland Drive, thank you very much). But I did manage to see a scene, where a beautiful woman put a twin cherry in her mouth, with the stem, and made a knot with it. (the stem) I was Awed and Impressed and I have wanted to do that ever since. (not enough to actually sit down and practice. )

17. Mai

It is 17. mai!
My bunad is hanging unused in a closet in Norway, and I have not held a flag since forever. Also, it is a day for blisters from bunadssko, being too cold or too warm, but sharing all this with millions of others going through the same in their traditional clothing. Also we stuff ourselves with hot dogs, ice cream and cake, and do this weird thing: smiling in public at strangers. We never do this the rest of the year, maybe we use up all our outgoing skills this day and have to rest our facial muscles for a year...


Photo is from luxus.no, googled and I tried find some free for use, but I got fed up.

Inspirational envy

I am having serious greenies. Procastinating, skipping through blogs, wanting to be wowed, and the I am, and start reading through well articulated, funny, beautiful words and pictures and cool clothes and seemingly put together people that COPE and eat couscous for a month having spent their money on really cool clothes and does collages and FINISH projects.

It is very rare that I finish anything. My creativity sort of dries up when the "fun" part is over: the plans, the vision..But I am getting better. I am writing here. I am finishing knitting projects. I am studying. (more than ever, still not enough, but getting better) But the end resault just do not measure up to the idea. Or maybe that is what I am afraid of? Probably. The curse of the perfectionist.

And clothing. I would love to be elegant. Elegant and edgy, and look good in flat shoes. Or give a damn that I do not? And all these fashion blogs feature skinny girls/women with straight legs that looks really good in highwaisted shorts and tight trousers and I curse my pearshaped hippy body and have moments of considering cous-cous diet just to be able to by trousers. But I will not. Because I am not willing to use time.

Elegance is making something hard look easy and even though some "just throw on the first thing they find" and look fab, they do not really. Those "first things" are well cut clothing, effort was made in finding them and bying them, the hair is pampered and cut well, eating healthy or in some cases just little....Effort has been made, only maybe not at 0700 in the morning.

In my instant gratification world I'd rather by a good book.

This is still a bit maudlin. Prob because the real issue is exams closing up and me still being a major chicken-cat in regards to university professors and such.

Ballet this evening will sort me out. And tomorrow it is 17. Mai, and I have decided to go and eat a menu at Baobab, a great vegetarian resturant here in Zaragoza.

GP

Well, then that was over for this year.

Eurovision Song Contest (eg. Gran Prix for us norwegians)

As usual I got fed up around song ten and zapped around and watched other stuff: saturday evening there is not really any other stuff to see, but I zapped anyway just too give my zapping muscles excersise.

There were a lot of awful clothing. But not in the LOL way, like last year with butterfly wings and playmobile hair. The black lycra tights and red shoulder block jackets with the awkward juping of the irish twins was eyepopping, but that was about it. A lot of weird black leather and nice looking young dancers, and the fashion reprieve that was that girl with the chicago-haircut and nice dress, otherwise there was a lot of legs, and eurotrash-style.

As for the songs, Italy was good. I am happy they got a lot of votes. Azerbajan sounded like any song, no idea why it won, obs they got the most votes but for me it just blended in to the rest of the forgettable stuff.

I tried to google pictures and got only the logo. I guess it is still a bit early to get pics from the performances.

Norway did not make the cut to the finals, and according to the newspapers today Stella got very few votes, for an ok song. But I think she has accomplished getting her name out, at least in scandinavia. I had never heard of her before GP, and it turns out she already has a cd out, but with rap music, and I heard some of it on a portrait-program on the telly in easter and it sounded good, so I'll by her cd this summer. Despite being a small country, getting your name out in the media is really hard. The radio stations tends to play the same five songs over and over, and as for rap/hiphop, unless you are form the US they are not going to play you.

Anyways, I really want to see the semifinals next year, since that is where the most lol stuff goes down. With a pink feather boa.

Indigestion and squirm alert

All that maudlin stuff last night? I had indigestion and by 0300 I was saluting Dodraugen, heaving up an assortment of undigested food from the day.. Fully recognizable. Do not read on if easily squirmed.


Almonds, kiwi, banana, lettuce from the ceasar salad, all sweetened with snickers and a dreadful headache that lingers on today.

No wonder I was feeling so out of sorts last night. I think my stomach is trying to tell me to chew a bit more. But I could do without all that self pity.

Still feeling sorry for myself

I saw "A Single Man" and was not in the mood for it really. It is a bit too beautiful and too real. What I need right now is something like Charlie's Angels or Pirates of the Caribean..something entertaining without firing off a single brain cell.

Right now, beauty makes me cry. (Also my eyes are sort of pre-cried as they ich from pollen+cat) And I get such a crush on Mr. Firth, the versatile actor. It is a residue from the glorious Pride and Prejudice era in secondary school. And so I feel weepy over that, and feel alone.

Everyone feels alone. We are alone. But today it hurts. (So not a good idea to see "A Single Man")

One gets such intimacy with actors on screen, but not really. One gets intimacy with the character, (if it is a good actor) the perfect person on screen without smelly feet and irritating habits, and looks cool drinking scotch from the bottle, and you do not have to deal with the horrible whiskey breath, and they are vulnerable and honest and it is so easy to read them, and funny and....so very unlike RL, except in rare moments.

It is wanting to be alone but at the same time missing my friends. And hoping I will have the luck to get to know lots of people in the years to come, people that becomes important in my life, that challenges me somehow...I am not good at superficial friendship.

And these thoughts leads me to old ghosts. Am I such a serious person? Am I no fun? What have I to give in a friendship/relationship?

It is hard to get to know someone, beyond the weather and tired of work conversations. I know I am not good at asking questions, and that is important. But when I do I feel a bit like doing an interrogation. Name? Family? Life history?

I think I'll go to bed. My brain is not cooperating today. I shall dream of mr Darcy in regency clothing and chocolate, and bugger my insecurities. I'll feel better tomorrow.

Next year....

I am sitting in my room feeling a bit sorry for myself. The thing about being a houseguest is that you are living in another person's home and in my case that makes me want to take as little space as possible. So when the owners of the house have no interest whatsoever in watching the first semifinals in Eurovision, well, then there is no Eurovision. Sight.

It sucks living in someone's home. Only two months left, and please housing-godesses: give me someone nice and moderately tidy to live with, that goes to bed early? Please? Tired of the noise from the tv almost every night (preferably action movies or series) that goes on until midnight, this being Spain and prime time is from 2200. I am so very grateful that I can live here, but it is tiring. Two months left.

Next year I'll be able to see Eurovision with wine, pink feather boa and snide remarks.

Thyssen and church unknown

From Madrid!
In the end I did not take that many pictures, it rained all saturday morning, and we did not do touristy visits anyway. This church just appeared on a street we were walking, and if I was a good blogger I would look it up, but since I am not...
We spent the rainy morning in the Thyssen-museum and I liked it a lot. As always my faint suggestions of maybe not try to "see it all" fell on optimistic ears and was ignored. So by the time we came to modern times our brains were mush and longing for white. There was also this themed exibition Heroinas that I did not see but would like to.
Thyssen had a lot of portraits, what I most like. A frustrating thing is that most of the time it is of "a lady" or "a gentleman", and so there is no way to know anything about the person other than that he/she had the money and time to get a portrait done.

Definitly a museum I will return to.

Then, as the sun came out, we walked. And walked, in a relaxed tempo, just looking and observing people and feeling the energy of the city. Madrid is a good city to go around in. Yes, the distances can be huge, but there is room for you in the street and a friendly atmosphere.

Sunday morning we spent in the sofa with our legs up. It is a good way to spend a sunday morning, just relaxing and chatting and vegging out.

Madrid

I am going to Madrid tomorrow! And looking at the weather forcast it seems like it will be rainy on saturday. I left most of my warmer clothes in Norway, assuming that it never rains in Spain, because here in Zaragoza it almost never does. And so I tried to get a pair of trousers to day. Not possible. They do not make clothes for my bodyshape. Or any person with hips.

So I'll do skirts. And heels...

I am really looking forward to the trip. Madrid is bursting with museums and even though the city is practically an infant in Spanish history, it is also stuffed with history and nice buildings. I will use my camara a lot I hope. And also I hope to eat a lot of really good food, and relax and laugh.

Scary cat

I am doing it again.

I need to go and talk with some teachers at the university and I keep leaving it for tomorrow. And tomorrow. Mañana. Mañana.

So why do I find it so scary to go to an office and knock on the door? Anyway, why should I have to? If the university email worked as it should I could get my info by email, but I have in all my years only met one teacher who answered emails promptly. In most cases I never hear anything, never knowing if they recieved the message..

Anyways, tomorrow morning is the moment. No more chicken. And to answer my question: It is probably the mixture of shame (of my stupid problem), the distance most of the teachers put up between themselves and the student body. The feeling of interrupting. Abd I never know if to use Usted/ustedes or not. Apart from my almost never using it and being very rusty.

But tomorrow, with some tapping on hand and face, again I will stride bravely and valiantly into the scary corridors of the faculty and knock on doors... I will.

Why could I not be afraid of rats or something like that?

What happens when I do not listen to my stomach

Ugh.

I have stuffed myself with just too much candy of the jelly, arteficial, sugary sort.

I swear I am burping in colors.

That is what happens when I eat with my eyes and not my stomach. Again.

I am never eating orange crocodiles again. Or pink mushroms. Or jelly-fruit. Or Red Lips. Or salty licorice skulls.

Never.

Ever.

Human-studies at the public swimming pool

Why would someone choose an indoors public swimming pool as THE place to hang out with her friends and chat over the lane-dividers?

Why pick the lane with the most swimmers in it, when there are others with only one in?

Why would a guy swim in a t-shirt?

Why go to all the bother of changing and goggle-marks and stinking of chlorine for days if you are just going to putter about for a few lenghts and spend the rest of the 20 min you are in the pool, hanging out waiting for what?

These are the things I ponder on, also I wonder about the weird noise that came from the changing-room beside mine as I was getting into my swimsuit. It can best be described as someone peeing into a bottle. ??? (We are talking female changing rooms.)

In other words: 40 minutes of swimming went flying. ;)

1.MAI

Med et ønske om at verdens arbeidende mennesker vil kunne utføre sine jobber med stolthet og verdighet og med den tryggheten at de vil tjene nok til å betale for et hjem, brødfø sine barn og kunne bli syke uten å dermed miste alt.

With a wish that the workers of the globe will be able to do their jobs with pride and dignity, and with the security that they will earn enough to pay for a home, feed their kids and if they get sick, they can do so without loosing it all.

This is not much to wish for, is it?

And then, I will TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

I use youtube rarely. Because I am weak and trying to study and feeling a bit down, and that is when SpongeBob and Animaniacs and Tom&Jerry whisper, and is some cases Scream to me with lures of laughter and catchy frazes noone in Spain understands, such as "Imagination" and "Narf" and evil grinch smiling and heeeelooooo nurse!

Some days I really feel the cultural bridge thingy. I mean, I cannot even do stuff from StarWars, they have grown up with spanish words and different voices.

But today I treated myself to some Pinky and the Brain. Narf.

The bet is up: how many times will I now say narf over the weekend?

I want gills for my birthday

I have water in my right ear. It is annoying. Also I discovered there are benefits to swimming in a pool full of people: I get so annoyed and busy trying not to tuch anyone that time flies. Today I had a lane all to my self and it was booooring. And slow. And my goggles fog up and the water I have in them to avoid it sting my eyes and I get goggle marks for the rest of the day. Whine, whine.

I also bought el cheapo tickets for summer with Lufthansa (alas nowhere exiting, only home), and ate half a bag of Bamsemums, so my day has definitivly gone up. Obiously those two in the picture are going the way of their companions and loose their heads.

Spring photos

This is the promised Hvitveis covering the " forest-floor" (aka small strip between road and houses). It looks like snow, only warmer. And on top of that blogger put, turned around no idea why, my photo of Hestehov, the subject of heartwarming stories each spring of tiny kids finding the first at the society pagees in the local newspaper.

Our local newspaper has managed that rare thing: to stay local. In consecuence it is thin and navel gazing. But also a great read for us gossiping locals, with passionate letters about the fate of old public threes, what design should be allowed on new constuction inside the old city center, and the various fractions in politics insulting one another. And cutesy pictures of kids with springs first Hestehov.

Garden

Someday I will have a garden, even if it is a balcony garden with lots of pretty ceramic pots and miniature hot-houses, and a pretty wrought iron table and comfy chairs. And I will have roses that smell of summer. (This rose is from the neighbour's garden, from last year.)

Someday I will have a home of my own, not too big, but a space of tranquility and comfort, with lush fabrics and bright colors and cats.

Ah! Tea, woll..wooll...blankets of wool and a woodpecker

I have a camera! And it is cool! And it is chilly outside so I rather not put one toe outdoors until I must. Although today looks pretty decent. Fresh but no wind and birds chirping. I might go hunting for a Blåveis or a Hestehov. If I find any I'll post pictures. Too early for Hvitveis yet, but if the weather behaves there might be some just before I leave for Spain again.

Yup. I am home in Norway and for once I have managed to hit spring. And I can see the sun!

It is good to be home and just slug about without anyone getting worried or think I am weird. I suspect slugging-genes are not abundant in zaragoza. At least not in the people I know. I think most of them could benefit. There is something to lie in bed all day reading and munching chocolate and only get up for bathroom visits. Without being sick. Or depressed. Just lying in a cocoon of warm eiderdown and new bedsheets revisiting favorite worlds and drinking tea. Without ANY PLANS! No plans. No list of stuff to do. No "I'll slug until three and then.. " Obviously I can do this because I do not have anything to do, much. I mean, I brought notes, but I am going to study some at work, and in the mornings when doing evening shift.

Obviously I am not going to be a potato for long. I work Thursday until Sunday with the ever lovely mix of day and evening that leaves me more tired than night shifts. Weird stuff.

Sunshine

It is hard to be down when the sun is shining, birds are chirping and teasing Freya. She has spent the morning trying to claw her way through the window to get at this tiny birdie seated just outside, looking at her.

I really liked The Wise Man's Fear, and now I am crossing toes and fingers that the writing of the last book will go a bit easier than this one. Two years is a long time to be kept hanging in the middle of a story.

I will go home on friday to work for a couple of weeks, and doing little offerings to the weather gods so that there will be no snow..

Sand in my head

I read Wise Man's Fear in one go. During the night. So now I have a hangover. My head in sand, my mouth is dry and my body is complaining.

WTF?

I admire anyone with an e-reader right now. Cause there are a lot of WTF?? after canoodeling around the internets looking into restrictions and prices. At Amazon, trad pub romances as eBooks are MORE EXPENSIVE that the paperback. They have no storage need, no distribution system, no printing, no un-sold books coming back, no paper, no ink. And yet they charge more. For something I assume would only be mine for a limited period of time. No way.

Also I find it weird that amazon.uk sent me to amazon.com. They can sell me ebooks from the us but not from the uk?

I looked through recomended self pub places. The number of established romance authors doing this is very small. Also, those that chose pub it! (B&N) have eliminated from their reader pool any person living outside the US.

So, what I have learned is this: if one wants to read romance in english as eBooks, one has to be one of the following: a)very rich and guillable, b) having no ethical qualms about piracy, c) living in the US, d)tech-savy knowing how to fake/hide the ips-thingy or whatever it is called, e)write them yourself.

As far as I could tell, the combined virtual bookstore was, compared to print books, disapointingly small. I really believed it was not as bad as I found it to be.

Well, hopefully, by the time I have saved enough centimos to by an eReader, there will be better options out there.

Sorry

Spelling, spelling! I am so sorry about all the mistakes I make. They are like nails on the blackboard of my pedantic soul. But somehow I don't see them when writing in blogger. Maybe I should start doing it first in word..

I do not see them before they are published, and I shudder and close my eyes.

I closed the door before the goat had been let loose

Max temp today is supposed to be 24 ºC. I am so happy to be living in Zaragoza. I have to add that 24º here is not pool-temperature. Not ever short sleeves temp. People here go "Oh, spring, I can open up the zipper of my jacket.." I am more like "It's SUMMERTIME!" In their defense it is (surprise) windy and el cierco is def not 24ºC. In my defense it is not even April and more than 20ºC.

I think I hit my well-bottom on monday. Hopefully.

I had a coffe with the ex yesterday, thinking he had something to tell me, but we just chattered and time went quick and I am sort of not angry anymore, unless I sit down and think about all that has happened. So I won't.

Going home in one week. Please no snow? I can deal with lots of things but please no snow.

I am thinking of getting a piggy-bank and start saving money for an e-reader, but I have to look up all those geografic-restrictions things. There is no point having one if the only way I will be able to read the books I want is to get all teck-savy and piaraty and having to learn about dm-whatevers. Also I have no delusion about being entitled to free books, I think an author should get paid. One of the reasons for this is that one of my favourite romance authors is going to publish books on her own as ebooks. Eagerly awaited secuels to All through the night and As you Desire. (Yes. For you none-romance-reading-readers: The titles are cheesy, but no more so than The omega conpiracy and Dragon-saver. It is genre fiction, people.) But she is an US based author, and I need to figure out if this is going to be a problem or not. I sort of think that if she does it all on her own there will be no problem, it is only through the big trad publishers that such things as geo-restrictions come in play, but I am not sure, so I'll have to snoop about.

Freya says hi! Or, she says miau, but really it is "I am bored out of my mind! Look at me!"

Why backstroke?

I am getting through this Spring-depression! It is by far the lightest one I have had in years, and pretty cool, since I sort of thought that spring+breakup would mean total meltdown and days without showering...

On Thursday (suddenly that word looked weird. Like I was writing it wrong. Possibly because I read through my blogposts since the beginning, (possible to do, since there are not that many of them) vincing every now and then from horrible spelling. But I can't be bothered to do spell checks, as I tend to start editing myself.)
Anyways, on Thursday I will quite possibly get an Amazon parcel! Most of the stuff are gifts for my dad and for friends, but for my self there is Going Postal DVD, Cecilia Bartoli CD, (hello french people who google her and come here. I love Stats.) and my romance-crack: Elizabeth Boyle's latest book. Hellu reality-escape!

I went swimming this weekend, 45 minutes, not tired at all, so next time I'll start intoducing more crawl as it ups my heartrate. I went later than I normaly do, on the plus side: no getting up at dawn, no morning chill going there, no sad old men swimming in my lane and "accidentally" touching.. and the minus-side: The pool is stuffed to the roof with females, who does backstoke. Slowly. ??? Why backstroke? I assume there is some diet-slim-arms reason for this?
It is ok when we are three in one lane, it is for the most part easy to swim past, but when we are 4 or 5 it starts to become difficult and I get trapped behind stamping, irritated, feeling my pulse slowing down.
Maybe I should suggest to the staff to put up a lane for backstroke swimmers, and there they can putter about without blocking the pool for the rest of us. Next time I'll rather deal with the human-contact-starved old men. At least I get to excercice that way.

What I really need is a pool all for myself.

Die Hard OD

I have watched all four in a row, and the last one twice since last evening. I love them. Alan Rickman is hot even with that silly beard. It is his voice.
And that guy doing kung-fu or something in the buff, in front of a mirror. Observing himself. Talk about setting up the bad guy as yuck. It is just such a glorious turn-off! And McClaine (or however it is spelled) gets to crash/blow up just bigger and bigger stuff, ending with the military monster jet..

The second time around 4.0 I paid attention to the lines. You know, the stuff they do between carchases, and boy it is soooo lame. And I could not care less. The actors do their best and I really liked that hacker-guy, probably because he had the only decent lines, him and Kevin Smith. ;)

So yeah. Jippi-ka-yey, motherfucker!

Another movie I watched for the billionth time was Where Eagles Dare with Clint Eastwood, Richard Burton and Clints hair-do. I love the book, together with many others of Alistair MacLean, such as the Guns of Navarone, Circus, The way to dusty death and the Breakheart Pass. But boy is there a lot of sloppy stuffin the movie: Climbing metal steps, at supposedly freezing temperatures WITH NO GLOVES. How the time of day and weather changes from scene to scene. Specially in that first part. Okay, snow makes it lighter, but not that light. We go from blue sky to snowstorm in seconds..

One part I like about it is that the only german guy who is portrayed as Evil Super Bastard is the Gestapo man. The rest of the men are just that. Military men doing their job. Listening to music, hanging aaround waiting for something to do. Many could benefit from shooting lessions, and some more intelligence but they are not EVIL. Maybe it was one of the conditions for being allowed to film it on location in germany or austria or wherever.

So that was my weekend, white vine, Brie and movie marathon. Best weekend in a long time! It was needed. Now I have the cravings for some Jason Borne and Starwars 4,5&6. May the force be with you!

vino

Tonight I have a date with this beauty. It is Gewurztraminer from Viñas del Vero Collection and it is soo good. The last time I opened a bottle to have a glass, I ended up tipsy and happy, chatting the head of the people who happened to call that evening...

The plan is to have two glasses max, and save the rest for tomorrow...but I cannot even write that and keep a straight face. ;)

This image is from the webpage http://www.santacecilia.es/vinas_del_vero_gewurztraminer_2010. This whole copyright thing drives me nuts. I tried to find an image on Viñas del Vero homepage (vinasdelvero.es) but there was none. Since I have no camara, I have to borrow on the net...If the people from santacecilia objects to this usage, I'll take the image away. Promise.

How Now, Brown Cow

Where on earth did I hear those words? It must have been in some movie. I know, I should google it. Ah! I got it! It is in "Singing in the Rain" where the actress with the nasal voice is having elocution lessons..How now, brown cow.

And how long does grief over ended relationship last? I am a novice in this, and starting to get fed up with it all. It Sucks. Big hairy camel balls.

Ah well. This too will pass. Patience!

This weekend I will have the luxury of being ALONE! I seriously need to win the lottery before autumn comes, so that I can afford a small studio for my self. Sight. There will be plenty of rants in october no doubt, about room-mates frying sardines and having the tv on at every meal... Or the worst of the worst: Spanish radio on full blast while preparing breakfast. WITHOUT ACTUALLY LISTENING TO IT!!!

It is one of the great mysteries of the spanish society: The craving for noice at all times.

Seriousness and navel-gazing all at once

I remember in december 2004, sitting in a hotelroom in Jordan, not being able to leave the tv, watching the wave, the complete lack of information, how the moment comunicationlines and roads block, people are on their own.

And now I read (have stopped see telly) about Japan. It is heartbraking. Earthquake, tsunami, and now nuclear contamination..All in the space of a week and in the middle of winter, when spending the night outside is not a very good idea, and no heating can and probably will have it's own deathtoll.

And here I sit and can do nothing. As I can do nothing with other people in need in other places either. (Other than donating money.)

It is really frustrating.

And how do one go back to navel-gazing from this?

It is easy. We humans are all navel-gazers. So I think what would one need to live for a week without any governmet help after a disaster? Water. Small calorie-stuffed items to eat. A small camping cooker. Bicycle for being able to move. Rugsack for holding calories and water. Blanket. Plastic sheet to use as roof in case of rain. Paper and pencils to write. Swiss army knife. And the book "How to catch pigeons and other city dwelling animals with swiss army knife devices" so that I have something to cook over the gas.

The guy in Man vs. Wild should have a program for how to survive in these realistic settings: tsunami, earthquake, storms, in a city enviroment. Far more probable than accidentally getting lost in the amazonas or finding yourself alone on the plains of Iceland with nothing more than some matches and a knife. If you set out into the wilderness of Iceland with so little stuff, quite frankly: You brought your problems on yourself. Idiot!

Rain

I passed the exam.

I have not held a ritual burning of the notes on the roof, but I have put la carpeta in the very back of the bookshelf.

It is such a relief!

And now for the next thing, as I am sliding down into spring-depression, monitoring myself and pushing what needs to be pushed and letting go what is not important. I hope this works, it is the first time I meet it head on with the mindset of just living through it and hopefully that will mean it does not last so long, or have me lying in bed for days, just too something to cope.

No appetite, heavy head, muscle aches, tired, thoughts go negative...March sucks.

I woke up early this morning to the sound of rain. It was lovely: just lying half asleep, with the patter of heavy rain, so rare here in Zaragoza. :)

Other nice stuff:
- The tap dancing class looks like it might happen, although they still wait to see if more people sign up.
- A new book! Reading "Disquiet, please!"
- My best friend poking me on Facebook. I know it is so last decade, but it is just so nice to see the notice, to be thought of.
- my new guilty purchase: lovely highheeled grey shoes. They were on sale! I needed something like that! That is my excuses and I'll stick to them.
- I will quite possibly get a photo camara for my birthday in summer. Then I can take photos of my shoes. Lucky you!

Contemporary dance and other stuff

I went to see "Hombres, Mujeres y otros animales", (contemporary dance) yesterday. Alone. It is kind of liberating and sucks at the same time.

I am not a social butterfly, and when living with someone I get a huge part of my social-cup filled by just having to deal with someone at home. Add to that a splash of timid and a dollop of only being with his friends, and the end result is Hvitveis having a very small social circle. All my own fault I freely admit. So now I am doing things about it. But it takes time.

And so I do not have a huge list of people that a) have no other plans for a saturday night and b) want to go see contemp dancing..

And so I say to myself: Hvitveis, I say, do you want to go to the ball? I want to go, so I will jolly well go on my own. Witch is really cool! Except for the 15 minutes before the show starts and it turns out I have entered into a small world where all the other spectators know eachother, the dancers on the stage and the people that works in the theatre. I had my neighbour kissing the person sitting across behind me, (spanish people give two kisses in greeting. I am fed up with it. Depending on the number of persons it can take forever.) OVER MY HEAD. If I was lesbian/a man I would have been in tit-heaven. Sadly I am not and only had my Personal Space Intrusion Alarm going off.

Witch brings me over to the dancing. It consisted of three solos. First: The male solo, staring with him standing naked in the back of the stage. Lights turn off and he puts on clothes; the title is in english "Men, Women and other animals" At one point he takes off a trouser and a skirt like he is shedding, sometimes I think to recognize the stance of a flamingo..

It is really hard to describe dancing.

The second solo, female, starts with the dancer coming on the stage holding a bowl of water, and for a while she does not move, and I have a vision of us sitting there for 20 minutes looking at a woman holding a bowl of water... but she starts to dance, takes of her top, and the guy sitting beside me has to widen his legs....for a while I had some inner discussion about the use of nudity and tits and why did not the male dancer do some movement in the buff, is it really necesary as a choreographic tool? Especially since her movements vere very sensual, think strip tease dancing. But then her movements, doing much the same, transformed into some sort of insect/gekko thing stopping between each movement and the sensuality dissapeared. Is overt female sensuality uncomfortable to me? Or do I feel like it is a much overused and cheap tool in "modern" dance, art? I cannot say I have seen much of modern anything, so it might just be my prejudice speaking. But I liked the way her body was sensual or not depending on how she did the movements.

The third solo, also female, was with grain on the stage, serpent like movements and some whiplash, hair tossing stuff. The sound when she rolled through the grain, or passed a foot, spreading the grain out, reminded of the desert. But a bit repetetive and with more frenetic energy. For some reason she changed dress near the end, no idea why and it stopped the continuity of the piece.

So that was my saturday night: tits and well hung male dancer. ;) And thoughts of female sexuality and how small the contemporary dance milleu in Zaragoza must be.

Classical 20th century music

So I went to a concert last tuesday, free-gratis, and it was with works of 20-century composers. Errrr...

Parts of it I really liked. The last piece was In-Schrift by Wolfgang Rihm and they had percussion bigtime, with five musicians lining up in the back clinging and clonging and giving a good whollop at the Gongs. And lots and lots of Brass, tuba, trombones.. And more Double Basses than I have ever seen in one place ever. And a thingy I have never seen before that not only looked pretty but gave off some serious deep tones. Contrabasson! (thank you wikipedia!) All together! I was in instrument heaven. And a Harp! The piece was modern and difficult at times, but I liked it overall. I did mention the Harp, and the contrabasson?

I am seriously impressed by the musicians, all students at the conservatory. And they must have had lots of nightmares about these pieces. The first piece was by Alannis Xenakis "A l'ile de Goree" and is about entrophy..For me it sounded like noise. Harpiscord and strings and clarinetts all playing their own tune at their own rythm and sometimes no tune, no rythm, only sounds. Supposedly there were sections inspired by wind and slavery in Africa and..eh? How on earth do they start practicing for something like that? The first times playing together must be horrible.

Then the middle piece was Eight Lines by Steve Reich. It was based on to pianos playing a tune each one at the same time, over and over and over, and strings doing some other tune over and over. At a quick rythm. With a piccolo also doing its tune, over and over. Really loud. It is supposed to be almost meditative, but quite frankly: it ended up annoying.

But it was worth it. I got to hear and see a Contrabasson.

Not so fast..

I went to the university! I presented myself at the examination room! Yey! And they had changed the date to next friday! Yey?

My first reaction was relief: one more week to read, the thing I always dream of on exam day. And then I realized it would mean one more week in biofisica-land. :(

But then I thought: Hey! This will give me another opportunity to battle my fear! Cool!

And then I went home and had a meltdown of anger and grief over the Breakup. Just to round off the day with snot and tears.

Things that brightened the day:
- The Professor said she is planning to go lightly on the correction of the exams.
- I bought cool shimmery eyeshadow
- I found some great point shoes. Please Godess of The Pointshoe: let them be great!
- I had a piece of chocolate cake
- There is also a bar of Lindt Dark shocolate with cherry and chile
- 1/2 hour of Tom and Jerry on telly

Exam

Oh, boy oboyoboy...

I have an exam tomorrow. And I am not freaking out. This is just so amazing, that I am smiling thinking about it. I feel, as I always do, that I know nuffin' but I have finally learned to not give any importance to that perception.

TFT is my friend! It is so great to have something to DO when the anxiety starts fluttering. So I tap on hands and face and nevermind how it looks to others, most of them are so inside their own exam-stressed heads they do not notice anyway. ;)

So I did one already in january, and now I have this one tomorrow, and then: no exams for months. Friday 1230 I will be Free!

My cat

That is a picture of my cat on the right. While searching for a picture of my cat I came across a file of photos from this summer, with my now ex. (Jepp, that is part of the Crap that has been happening..)
The first urge is to delete. Every photo and memory from the last 4-5 years, because apparently that is how long I lived with my ex, and he did not love me. It hurts to look at his smiling face, knowing what I know now.

But I will not delete those years. They are part of who I am today, and little by little they will stop hurting.

Anyways, the reason why I was searching for a picture of Freya was to tell you all that for a inndoor cat she surly manage to hurt herself...

Visits to the vet:
- strained muscles in the back and tail, while struggeling to get up on a table
- hairloss on neck that was a symptom of dermatitis
- infected butt-glands
- loss of skin on leg (no idea why)
- having baths for dermatitis
- caught a cold

This is all since november.

The good thing is, she does not seem to have any discomfort as she lives as she has always done.
And in my new home (for some months) there are birds in the Patio. So she is in heaven, sitting at the window, twiching.

What is the point?

As you all (1?, 2?) can see, my blogging frecuency has dvindled down to almost nothing, and when I do write something it is cryptic, short and not very coherent. Not the intention I had when I begun! I do get intrested in, and think about lots of things: news, books, economics, history, medicine..but actually sitting down and write about it, do research, make a decent text...

And then there is my personal life, where I just won´t share much about other persons, after all, if they wanted their lives out here on the internet, they would blog about it themselves..

Also I am intensly private, but I want to stop being so much so. There is healing and closure in sharing. Talking about the good and the bad, solidify the good, and reduces the bad to something managable.

I lurk around in various blogs, and very rarely comment, something I also want to change. It is after all a bit like sitting in a cafe and listening to other peoples conversations at the tables nearby, not bad as such, but when that is the only way of interacting with others on the internet...

Shame proshedure as last yah?