I remember in december 2004, sitting in a hotelroom in Jordan, not being able to leave the tv, watching the wave, the complete lack of information, how the moment comunicationlines and roads block, people are on their own.
And now I read (have stopped see telly) about Japan. It is heartbraking. Earthquake, tsunami, and now nuclear contamination..All in the space of a week and in the middle of winter, when spending the night outside is not a very good idea, and no heating can and probably will have it's own deathtoll.
And here I sit and can do nothing. As I can do nothing with other people in need in other places either. (Other than donating money.)
It is really frustrating.
And how do one go back to navel-gazing from this?
It is easy. We humans are all navel-gazers. So I think what would one need to live for a week without any governmet help after a disaster? Water. Small calorie-stuffed items to eat. A small camping cooker. Bicycle for being able to move. Rugsack for holding calories and water. Blanket. Plastic sheet to use as roof in case of rain. Paper and pencils to write. Swiss army knife. And the book "How to catch pigeons and other city dwelling animals with swiss army knife devices" so that I have something to cook over the gas.
The guy in Man vs. Wild should have a program for how to survive in these realistic settings: tsunami, earthquake, storms, in a city enviroment. Far more probable than accidentally getting lost in the amazonas or finding yourself alone on the plains of Iceland with nothing more than some matches and a knife. If you set out into the wilderness of Iceland with so little stuff, quite frankly: You brought your problems on yourself. Idiot!
Thursday, 17 March 2011
Tuesday, 15 March 2011
Rain
I passed the exam.
I have not held a ritual burning of the notes on the roof, but I have put la carpeta in the very back of the bookshelf.
It is such a relief!
And now for the next thing, as I am sliding down into spring-depression, monitoring myself and pushing what needs to be pushed and letting go what is not important. I hope this works, it is the first time I meet it head on with the mindset of just living through it and hopefully that will mean it does not last so long, or have me lying in bed for days, just too something to cope.
No appetite, heavy head, muscle aches, tired, thoughts go negative...March sucks.
I woke up early this morning to the sound of rain. It was lovely: just lying half asleep, with the patter of heavy rain, so rare here in Zaragoza. :)
Other nice stuff:
- The tap dancing class looks like it might happen, although they still wait to see if more people sign up.
- A new book! Reading "Disquiet, please!"
- My best friend poking me on Facebook. I know it is so last decade, but it is just so nice to see the notice, to be thought of.
- my new guilty purchase: lovely highheeled grey shoes. They were on sale! I needed something like that! That is my excuses and I'll stick to them.
- I will quite possibly get a photo camara for my birthday in summer. Then I can take photos of my shoes. Lucky you!
I have not held a ritual burning of the notes on the roof, but I have put la carpeta in the very back of the bookshelf.
It is such a relief!
And now for the next thing, as I am sliding down into spring-depression, monitoring myself and pushing what needs to be pushed and letting go what is not important. I hope this works, it is the first time I meet it head on with the mindset of just living through it and hopefully that will mean it does not last so long, or have me lying in bed for days, just too something to cope.
No appetite, heavy head, muscle aches, tired, thoughts go negative...March sucks.
I woke up early this morning to the sound of rain. It was lovely: just lying half asleep, with the patter of heavy rain, so rare here in Zaragoza. :)
Other nice stuff:
- The tap dancing class looks like it might happen, although they still wait to see if more people sign up.
- A new book! Reading "Disquiet, please!"
- My best friend poking me on Facebook. I know it is so last decade, but it is just so nice to see the notice, to be thought of.
- my new guilty purchase: lovely highheeled grey shoes. They were on sale! I needed something like that! That is my excuses and I'll stick to them.
- I will quite possibly get a photo camara for my birthday in summer. Then I can take photos of my shoes. Lucky you!
Sunday, 13 March 2011
Contemporary dance and other stuff
I went to see "Hombres, Mujeres y otros animales", (contemporary dance) yesterday. Alone. It is kind of liberating and sucks at the same time.
I am not a social butterfly, and when living with someone I get a huge part of my social-cup filled by just having to deal with someone at home. Add to that a splash of timid and a dollop of only being with his friends, and the end result is Hvitveis having a very small social circle. All my own fault I freely admit. So now I am doing things about it. But it takes time.
And so I do not have a huge list of people that a) have no other plans for a saturday night and b) want to go see contemp dancing..
And so I say to myself: Hvitveis, I say, do you want to go to the ball? I want to go, so I will jolly well go on my own. Witch is really cool! Except for the 15 minutes before the show starts and it turns out I have entered into a small world where all the other spectators know eachother, the dancers on the stage and the people that works in the theatre. I had my neighbour kissing the person sitting across behind me, (spanish people give two kisses in greeting. I am fed up with it. Depending on the number of persons it can take forever.) OVER MY HEAD. If I was lesbian/a man I would have been in tit-heaven. Sadly I am not and only had my Personal Space Intrusion Alarm going off.
Witch brings me over to the dancing. It consisted of three solos. First: The male solo, staring with him standing naked in the back of the stage. Lights turn off and he puts on clothes; the title is in english "Men, Women and other animals" At one point he takes off a trouser and a skirt like he is shedding, sometimes I think to recognize the stance of a flamingo..
It is really hard to describe dancing.
The second solo, female, starts with the dancer coming on the stage holding a bowl of water, and for a while she does not move, and I have a vision of us sitting there for 20 minutes looking at a woman holding a bowl of water... but she starts to dance, takes of her top, and the guy sitting beside me has to widen his legs....for a while I had some inner discussion about the use of nudity and tits and why did not the male dancer do some movement in the buff, is it really necesary as a choreographic tool? Especially since her movements vere very sensual, think strip tease dancing. But then her movements, doing much the same, transformed into some sort of insect/gekko thing stopping between each movement and the sensuality dissapeared. Is overt female sensuality uncomfortable to me? Or do I feel like it is a much overused and cheap tool in "modern" dance, art? I cannot say I have seen much of modern anything, so it might just be my prejudice speaking. But I liked the way her body was sensual or not depending on how she did the movements.
The third solo, also female, was with grain on the stage, serpent like movements and some whiplash, hair tossing stuff. The sound when she rolled through the grain, or passed a foot, spreading the grain out, reminded of the desert. But a bit repetetive and with more frenetic energy. For some reason she changed dress near the end, no idea why and it stopped the continuity of the piece.
So that was my saturday night: tits and well hung male dancer. ;) And thoughts of female sexuality and how small the contemporary dance milleu in Zaragoza must be.
I am not a social butterfly, and when living with someone I get a huge part of my social-cup filled by just having to deal with someone at home. Add to that a splash of timid and a dollop of only being with his friends, and the end result is Hvitveis having a very small social circle. All my own fault I freely admit. So now I am doing things about it. But it takes time.
And so I do not have a huge list of people that a) have no other plans for a saturday night and b) want to go see contemp dancing..
And so I say to myself: Hvitveis, I say, do you want to go to the ball? I want to go, so I will jolly well go on my own. Witch is really cool! Except for the 15 minutes before the show starts and it turns out I have entered into a small world where all the other spectators know eachother, the dancers on the stage and the people that works in the theatre. I had my neighbour kissing the person sitting across behind me, (spanish people give two kisses in greeting. I am fed up with it. Depending on the number of persons it can take forever.) OVER MY HEAD. If I was lesbian/a man I would have been in tit-heaven. Sadly I am not and only had my Personal Space Intrusion Alarm going off.
Witch brings me over to the dancing. It consisted of three solos. First: The male solo, staring with him standing naked in the back of the stage. Lights turn off and he puts on clothes; the title is in english "Men, Women and other animals" At one point he takes off a trouser and a skirt like he is shedding, sometimes I think to recognize the stance of a flamingo..
It is really hard to describe dancing.
The second solo, female, starts with the dancer coming on the stage holding a bowl of water, and for a while she does not move, and I have a vision of us sitting there for 20 minutes looking at a woman holding a bowl of water... but she starts to dance, takes of her top, and the guy sitting beside me has to widen his legs....for a while I had some inner discussion about the use of nudity and tits and why did not the male dancer do some movement in the buff, is it really necesary as a choreographic tool? Especially since her movements vere very sensual, think strip tease dancing. But then her movements, doing much the same, transformed into some sort of insect/gekko thing stopping between each movement and the sensuality dissapeared. Is overt female sensuality uncomfortable to me? Or do I feel like it is a much overused and cheap tool in "modern" dance, art? I cannot say I have seen much of modern anything, so it might just be my prejudice speaking. But I liked the way her body was sensual or not depending on how she did the movements.
The third solo, also female, was with grain on the stage, serpent like movements and some whiplash, hair tossing stuff. The sound when she rolled through the grain, or passed a foot, spreading the grain out, reminded of the desert. But a bit repetetive and with more frenetic energy. For some reason she changed dress near the end, no idea why and it stopped the continuity of the piece.
So that was my saturday night: tits and well hung male dancer. ;) And thoughts of female sexuality and how small the contemporary dance milleu in Zaragoza must be.
Friday, 4 March 2011
Classical 20th century music
So I went to a concert last tuesday, free-gratis, and it was with works of 20-century composers. Errrr...
Parts of it I really liked. The last piece was In-Schrift by Wolfgang Rihm and they had percussion bigtime, with five musicians lining up in the back clinging and clonging and giving a good whollop at the Gongs. And lots and lots of Brass, tuba, trombones.. And more Double Basses than I have ever seen in one place ever. And a thingy I have never seen before that not only looked pretty but gave off some serious deep tones. Contrabasson! (thank you wikipedia!) All together! I was in instrument heaven. And a Harp! The piece was modern and difficult at times, but I liked it overall. I did mention the Harp, and the contrabasson?
I am seriously impressed by the musicians, all students at the conservatory. And they must have had lots of nightmares about these pieces. The first piece was by Alannis Xenakis "A l'ile de Goree" and is about entrophy..For me it sounded like noise. Harpiscord and strings and clarinetts all playing their own tune at their own rythm and sometimes no tune, no rythm, only sounds. Supposedly there were sections inspired by wind and slavery in Africa and..eh? How on earth do they start practicing for something like that? The first times playing together must be horrible.
Then the middle piece was Eight Lines by Steve Reich. It was based on to pianos playing a tune each one at the same time, over and over and over, and strings doing some other tune over and over. At a quick rythm. With a piccolo also doing its tune, over and over. Really loud. It is supposed to be almost meditative, but quite frankly: it ended up annoying.
But it was worth it. I got to hear and see a Contrabasson.
Parts of it I really liked. The last piece was In-Schrift by Wolfgang Rihm and they had percussion bigtime, with five musicians lining up in the back clinging and clonging and giving a good whollop at the Gongs. And lots and lots of Brass, tuba, trombones.. And more Double Basses than I have ever seen in one place ever. And a thingy I have never seen before that not only looked pretty but gave off some serious deep tones. Contrabasson! (thank you wikipedia!) All together! I was in instrument heaven. And a Harp! The piece was modern and difficult at times, but I liked it overall. I did mention the Harp, and the contrabasson?
I am seriously impressed by the musicians, all students at the conservatory. And they must have had lots of nightmares about these pieces. The first piece was by Alannis Xenakis "A l'ile de Goree" and is about entrophy..For me it sounded like noise. Harpiscord and strings and clarinetts all playing their own tune at their own rythm and sometimes no tune, no rythm, only sounds. Supposedly there were sections inspired by wind and slavery in Africa and..eh? How on earth do they start practicing for something like that? The first times playing together must be horrible.
Then the middle piece was Eight Lines by Steve Reich. It was based on to pianos playing a tune each one at the same time, over and over and over, and strings doing some other tune over and over. At a quick rythm. With a piccolo also doing its tune, over and over. Really loud. It is supposed to be almost meditative, but quite frankly: it ended up annoying.
But it was worth it. I got to hear and see a Contrabasson.
Friday, 25 February 2011
Not so fast..
I went to the university! I presented myself at the examination room! Yey! And they had changed the date to next friday! Yey?
My first reaction was relief: one more week to read, the thing I always dream of on exam day. And then I realized it would mean one more week in biofisica-land. :(
But then I thought: Hey! This will give me another opportunity to battle my fear! Cool!
And then I went home and had a meltdown of anger and grief over the Breakup. Just to round off the day with snot and tears.
Things that brightened the day:
- The Professor said she is planning to go lightly on the correction of the exams.
- I bought cool shimmery eyeshadow
- I found some great point shoes. Please Godess of The Pointshoe: let them be great!
- I had a piece of chocolate cake
- There is also a bar of Lindt Dark shocolate with cherry and chile
- 1/2 hour of Tom and Jerry on telly
My first reaction was relief: one more week to read, the thing I always dream of on exam day. And then I realized it would mean one more week in biofisica-land. :(
But then I thought: Hey! This will give me another opportunity to battle my fear! Cool!
And then I went home and had a meltdown of anger and grief over the Breakup. Just to round off the day with snot and tears.
Things that brightened the day:
- The Professor said she is planning to go lightly on the correction of the exams.
- I bought cool shimmery eyeshadow
- I found some great point shoes. Please Godess of The Pointshoe: let them be great!
- I had a piece of chocolate cake
- There is also a bar of Lindt Dark shocolate with cherry and chile
- 1/2 hour of Tom and Jerry on telly
Thursday, 24 February 2011
Exam
Oh, boy oboyoboy...
I have an exam tomorrow. And I am not freaking out. This is just so amazing, that I am smiling thinking about it. I feel, as I always do, that I know nuffin' but I have finally learned to not give any importance to that perception.
TFT is my friend! It is so great to have something to DO when the anxiety starts fluttering. So I tap on hands and face and nevermind how it looks to others, most of them are so inside their own exam-stressed heads they do not notice anyway. ;)
So I did one already in january, and now I have this one tomorrow, and then: no exams for months. Friday 1230 I will be Free!
I have an exam tomorrow. And I am not freaking out. This is just so amazing, that I am smiling thinking about it. I feel, as I always do, that I know nuffin' but I have finally learned to not give any importance to that perception.
TFT is my friend! It is so great to have something to DO when the anxiety starts fluttering. So I tap on hands and face and nevermind how it looks to others, most of them are so inside their own exam-stressed heads they do not notice anyway. ;)
So I did one already in january, and now I have this one tomorrow, and then: no exams for months. Friday 1230 I will be Free!
Sunday, 13 February 2011
My cat
That is a picture of my cat on the right. While searching for a picture of my cat I came across a file of photos from this summer, with my now ex. (Jepp, that is part of the Crap that has been happening..)
The first urge is to delete. Every photo and memory from the last 4-5 years, because apparently that is how long I lived with my ex, and he did not love me. It hurts to look at his smiling face, knowing what I know now.
But I will not delete those years. They are part of who I am today, and little by little they will stop hurting.
Anyways, the reason why I was searching for a picture of Freya was to tell you all that for a inndoor cat she surly manage to hurt herself...
Visits to the vet:
- strained muscles in the back and tail, while struggeling to get up on a table
- hairloss on neck that was a symptom of dermatitis
- infected butt-glands
- loss of skin on leg (no idea why)
- having baths for dermatitis
- caught a cold
This is all since november.
The good thing is, she does not seem to have any discomfort as she lives as she has always done.
And in my new home (for some months) there are birds in the Patio. So she is in heaven, sitting at the window, twiching.
The first urge is to delete. Every photo and memory from the last 4-5 years, because apparently that is how long I lived with my ex, and he did not love me. It hurts to look at his smiling face, knowing what I know now.
But I will not delete those years. They are part of who I am today, and little by little they will stop hurting.
Anyways, the reason why I was searching for a picture of Freya was to tell you all that for a inndoor cat she surly manage to hurt herself...
Visits to the vet:
- strained muscles in the back and tail, while struggeling to get up on a table
- hairloss on neck that was a symptom of dermatitis
- infected butt-glands
- loss of skin on leg (no idea why)
- having baths for dermatitis
- caught a cold
This is all since november.
The good thing is, she does not seem to have any discomfort as she lives as she has always done.
And in my new home (for some months) there are birds in the Patio. So she is in heaven, sitting at the window, twiching.
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