Fell off

After a few days of crying and thinking melodramatic thoughts and beeing really embarrassed, (well, I am still embarrassed) I now feel quite good, in an optimistic, calm sort of way. I always do. Now it is all about next time, and it is so easy to envision myself about 5 months from now, calm, composed and in control, going to exams and passing them. But it is not going to be like that. What I need to envision is me going sick with dread (of not knowing what I am asked..) and doing it even though I am convinced I will not be able to answer even one question. That is what I need to work on.

Jumpin' back on the horse

At least that is the plan. Last exam tomorrow at ten. For now. My new mantra is "I want to become a doctor". It has been working these past few days. I am also drinking vast quantities of Rescue Remedy. I just want this to be OVER. Like if I could just skip ahead 24 hrs. Please? Universe? I am so fed up with all this worrying, and yes: the only one who can change is me.